This is a letter I wrote back to my principal after receiving a "Welcome Back to School Letter" a month early.

Mr. Fab,

What I want to know is, are you still on the fruit and nut diet for breakfast? It sounds like all on the trip were in agreement as to its merits and it was a pretty heady commitment. It would be my guess that it was probably right after breakfast with a full stomach. A classic weak moment. The question is; was it just a ‘pinky pact,’ or a comment to be disregarded at the golden arches the next morning before breakfast?

Personally, just so you know, the re-charging of my batteries has only just begun. I’m going to stuff as much as I can into the remainder of summer vacation. I have a whole list of things to do before school starts, and that doesn’t even include playing like SOME people do. Some of us are dedicated to responsibility, commitment, perseverance, and hard work. Wow, that sounds like the beginnings of some kind of pep talk from a football coach or something! I better be careful.

I did look at the pics on your trip’s blog. It looked like a very memorable time. You were able to go to some really neat places. In a sense, I kind of envy you the trip, just not with that many people. Wait a minute, you’re a principal, you deal with groups of people all the time. No problem. You probably had it all planned out and I’m sure everyone saw your way as the best way and there weren’t any arguments! Did you EVER win an argument with your wife?

In fact, it looked like the males were vastly outnumbered by the females, much like at Joe Hamilton, out-womaned and under-gunned. Those don’t appear to be very good odds, and I’m not even a gambler. I remembered something about probability, chance, and odds from a 5th grade math book. As much as you like to gamble you should’ve thought this one all the way through! Or, was it, to get your way you had to take your son aside and bribe him to throw a temper tantrum on the floor in sight of your wife while you just looked at her with that “I don’t know what to do” look in your eyes? Actually, I don’t think your son would do that, I just made that up.

You made me recall the trip we took in 2001 across the US in a Toyota Dolphin. Yeh, it had a bathroom too, but anytime anyone said that they had to go to the bathroom I would start looking for trees along the road or wide spots with tall grass just so the one in the Dolphin didn’t get used. As you can imagine, it was a real problem getting across Kansas (not too many trees). Going to the bathroom behind a redwood tree is much more comfortable than trying to hide everything behind a skinny two year old poplar tree. I guess we’re kinda spoiled out here. Nevertheless, As soon as they saw a tree they always made a beeline for the tree line. But, there were wheat fields, a lot of wheat fields, generally amber in color. Those amber waves of grain are really pretty short.

I don’t even want to know how many farmers’ dinners we interrupted when we had to stop.

“Hey, Myrtle, what’s that dark spot out in the field? Where are my binoculars? Geez, it’s another damn tourist. They must be from northern California, they have white cheeks, I can even see their tan line. Get my shotgun, the one with the rock salt in it.”

“Well quit staring then!”

I guess it probably gave them a story to talk about at the feed store the next morning, it didn’t look like a whole lot else went on there.

Iowa was much better as there was always a cornfield nearby; although there were a few times I had to lay on the horn to guide them back to the road. It seems that those cornfields are really tall and it’s easy to get disoriented. It wasn’t all bad though, most of the time they would come back with an armload of corn, so all was forgiven. Sometimes though they just had to jump out, settle for a lull in the traffic, and do their business. Interrupting farmers didn’t seem to be as much of a problem there.

Now, on to more serious business; I recall something about proposed schedules for the 2008-2009 school year, and while I didn’t commit them to memory, I was wondering if any of them involved starting any later? I’m having a real hard time waking up at 7:30 a.m.! I keep trying to convince my wife that I’m a ‘morning person,’ but my evidence is pretty weak. So, if it’s easier to ‘raise the bridge than lowering the river’ that’s the one I’m voting for.

Excuse me, I must get back to enjoying summer,
Jim