Rick's retirement.

Rick said he didn’t want to have a formal roast, so we’ll just have a slight baste.

Before I get into this I’m going to give him one last chance to redeem himself. Since Rick first brought up this crazy idea of retiring I’ve endeavored to make him see the error of his ways. I’ve offered myself in place of him. I know it’s a great sacrifice, but I figure that it would be it would be in everyone’s best interest.

I’ve offered to trade my years of service for Rick’s years of service. That way the District will go on reaping his years of experience and I can do foolish things like fishing, kayaking, painting, photography, fishing, and maybe even get serious about surfing. Did I include fishing?

I know, I know, foolish things, but that’s what I’d do. That way it’s a win-win for everyone. Rick gets to keep working, and I get to, well, get to play. He really shouldn’t rush into this retirement thing with having thought it out first.

He’d probably do something foolish like go to Alaska to visit friends and go fishing, and not come back until December. I can see it now, you’re watching that show on TV, ‘Deadliest Catch,’ and you catch a glimpse of Rick baiting King Crab pots aboard one of those fishing boats. It’s either that or possibly on the show, ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

With this crazy retirement thing I’m really concerned that Rick will go on some kind of Vision Quest and realize too late that he doesn’t have a map. A GPS wouldn’t help because it’s too close to a computer, and we all know about Rick and computers. Let there be no question, Rick, unlike Al Gore, did not invent the Internet. Rick’s idea of new technology is to buy a brand new chisel and a new stone tablet. This means he’s finally going to have to learn to use his TV remote, but he’ll have to find it first.

Don’t try to call him on his cell phone, he only turns in on long enough to charge it up.

You may not know it but he really is a conscious kind of guy, he admits to coming to work late at times, but he makes up for it by leaving early.

In case you didn’t know it, Rick’s been retired about 6 months already. His kids know everything there is to know about surfing and Tsunamis.

Actually he’s pretty smart in dealing with other principals, he knows when to keep his mouth shut.

Yes, Rick is entering those ‘Golden Years’ where he won’t have anything planned, anywhere to go, and not in a hurry to get it done each day, but he’ll feel successful and vindicated at the end of the day because he will have accomplished all of it, and his clothes will be folded.

The good news is, he’ll probably be able to give you updates on 'Oprah’ or ‘Sex in the City’ reruns if you want.

By the way, I understand he’ll be available for babysitting jobs, and the best thing, he works cheap, if you don’t mind your child smelling like fish when he leaves.

In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, you know you’re getting close to retirement when you to in turn in a request for days off and Angie sends it back with the note, ‘Sorry, champ, you’re out of sick days.’

Actually, Rick is planning this retirement thing out pretty well, he’s doing it before Tony suggests it.

I know he’ll feel true guilt this September when he starts to drive downtown and get coffee and his truck makes a involuntary turn into the Joe Hamilton parking lot.

So, as he steps on the threshold of retirement I hope he doesn’t trip up and make any rash choices.

I’d like to give him this sign and painting. It was either this or a lifetime supply of bingo cards.